My Ryuichi
by Darkness Flames
Summary: Tatsuha's thoughts on Ryuichi's ways. I won't let you fall into that rabbit hole.[oneshot]


A/N: I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. No duh.

**My Ryuichi**

My Ryuichi, my beloved Ryuichi. You are such a fragile creature aren't you? Behind that so called happy exterior you are nothing more than a walking porcelain doll, waiting to be broken.

Sometimes…sometimes I can only wonder what horrid ordeal could have turned you into what you are now. What has shaken you so much that you believe the only one you can confide in is a pink stuffed rabbit? And…you'll never tell me would you? I'm just another stupid fan-boy who has fallen for you. To you I'm no different than the thousand of other screaming fans. No different at all.

But I want to know. I want to know what has shaped you into such a being; a being who feels that it needs to hides all its surfaces from the world. Why? Do you believe that I won't understand? Is that it? Do you believe that everyone will think your reasons to be foolish? Childish?

There are times when I come home to find you rocking yourself in a secluded corner of our bedroom. However, I never comfort you. And…and maybe I should have. But you don't want me to see you in such a state do you? You want to appear strong, not for the sake of others but for yourself. The need to know that everyone thinks you are okay calms you. But…you don't want others to worry not because you don't want to hurt them, but so they won't come near you; so…that they won't meddle in your affairs. Am I right, Ryuichi?

Ryuichi is happy. Ryuichi is carefree. Ryuichi is fine. That's what you want us to believe, right? You are a mind controller. So powerful you are that you can warp people's thoughts to think the opposite. But you have yet to get to me. I can see you for what you truly are. You are sad. You are anxious. You are scared. Closer and closer you get, Ryuichi, towards the obscure edge between the sane and the insane. But it's smudged, this line that we are not suppose to cross. It's blurred so much that at times even I myself am not able to recognize the boundary. And you are frightened, frightened of what you might become.

This fear has terrorized you hasn't it? It has become an all too familiar acquaintance in your mind. Slowly it's gaining control of your very soul. Grasping and pulling it away from your clutch; and you are getting weary. You are tired of trying to defend it. You've fought this enemy for so long that your reason has long since drifted away.

You want to let go don't you? Letting it dominate you would be so much easier. And then you can stop. Stop fighting. Stop pretending. Stop fearing. Just stop. So ridiculously easy that would be. To let go and allow this unknown take control. You can finally drift away in that little world of yours…forever.

And never come back.

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The sound of the front door opening with a click reverberated in the small silent apartment. A pair of brown boots, turned darker shade from the water drenched streets, were put aside near the entrance. Softly a pair of sock clad feet padded towards the bedroom, making a light thumping noise.

Cautiously opening the door, he stepped into the room. No light filtered into the room. Dark shadows cast across the walls and onto the floor, causing a monochromatic feel. But that wasn't what caught the man's attention.

It was the dark figure huddled at the base of the bed. Scrawny legs pulled up close to a delicate frame. Arms wrapped around their own body, as if trying to protect oneself from the cold. The whole form shook from the ragged breathing. The eyes were out of vision but one could guess they were wide and the pupils were dilated.

"Ryuuichi." The man stood in front of the door spoke. His voice was sharp yet carried a gentle tone at the same time.

Ryuuichi's head jerked up and had an almost wild look in his eyes. His eyes fixed onto the standing body. He quickly struggled to get up, almost tripping over himself, as he scrambled to the man's side.

"Tatsuha!" A smile graced his lips but the anxious and shaky voice gave away his true thoughts. 'Why are you here? Why do you have to see me like this!?' His arms that seem so delicate wrapped around Tatsuha's waist.

Tatsuha looked down at the older man draped around him. He wanted to smile. To reassure his idol that everything is okay. So that that anxiousness in his voice will no longer be there and never will be ever again. But he couldn't. All he could do was embrace the man standing before him and cry.

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Ryuuichi, my beloved Ryuuichi. I am a selfish man. I truly wanted you to be happy. I would let you slip away. I would let you fall into that little rabbit hole and land in a different dimension. So you would never have to fear the pain and confusion of reality.

But I am a selfish man.

So for now, I'll keep you to myself. I won't let you drift away. I will root you to reality, so I can stay by your side.


End file.
